Leonardo da Vinci interviews for a job


bacchus-w-paperplane-blmirrorcr“Hello, My name is Leonardo da Vinci, and I’m here to apply for the ‘corporate innovator’ position posted at the Job Center.”

“How do you do, Mr. da Vinci. What can you tell me about your professional experience?”

“I have a great deal of experience as an innovator. I conceived the helicopter, you know, along with the catapult and the…”

“Very interesting, I’m sure. Can you provide any references to back up your claims?”

“Any good-quality encyclopedia…”

“Actually, I meant employer references, Mr. Da Vinci. Did you read the ‘Position Announcement?’ We’re looking for someone with at least ten years of experience in a defined ‘corporate innovator’ position.”

“This would be my first corporate job, but my experience as an innovator is well documented. I painted Mona Lisa, you know.”

“You’re a painter? As in ‘artist?’”

“Why yes, Madam. My work is in the great museums of the world.”

“Helicopters and paintings? I’m sure you’re very talented, but this is a technology company. I do know that the community center is looking for an artist to paint a wall mural… for free of course, but you’d get public recognition at the opening. Could lead to opportunities in the future…”

“Your suggestion is appreciated, Madam, but in the past I have been well-compensated for my murals. For example, Duke Sforza paid me handsomely to paint The Last Supper.”

“In any case, Mr. da Vinci, it appears that you’re not exactly qualified for our ‘corporate innovator’ position; er, ah, what exactly do you do, anyway?”

“Well, in the past many people called me ‘The Renaissance Man.’”

“Did you work at Renaissance Cleaners, downtown? I’ve always liked their slogan, ‘we bring new life to your clothes.’”

“No, in my case, Renaissance man refers to someone who knows a great deal about many things.”

“You mean like ‘jack of all trades, but master of…’”

“Excuse me, madam, but I prefer to think of myself as ‘Master of all Trades.’”

“Clearly, Mr. da Vinci you’re not qualified for our corporate innovator position, but you might be ideal for… ah, um… let’s see, researcher. No, you need a Ph.D. for that. I know… generalist positions; management uses generalists. Here, this might work — ‘New Product Development Manager.’ Oops, but they want seven years of related experience. Oh, and an MBA. Have you ever considered teaching? You know the saying, ‘those who can, do, but those who can’t…’”

“Actually, I did speak with several people at the university. They were interested at first, but it seems that my many published works did not appear in juried journals. ‘Good breadth,’ they said, ‘but not enough recognition in field.’”

“What about high school?”

“No teaching certificate.”

“Well, I’ll definitely keep my eyes open for a position appropriate for someone of your skills, Mr. Da Vinci. Have you ever considered starting your own business? Good day, Mr. da Vinci.”

“Thank you for your time, madam. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Good day.”

“Next candidate, please, Martha… Say, how did that da Vinci guy get in here without filling out an application?”

“Sorry, ma’am, but did you see the sketches on his resumé? He definitely looked like an innovator to me.”

“I appreciate the thought, Martha, but from now on I don’t want to see anyone who doesn’t have ‘corporate innovator’ experience specifically listed on his or her resumé. Reprogram our computer’s key-word search function, if necessary.”

©2009, 2013 Gregory N. Brown

One Response to “Leonardo da Vinci interviews for a job”

  1. that was hysterical! too true!

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